My Competition...

At the current moment I love two things,

A) To take pictures and B) To compete in sports.

At the current time I'm still unable to compete, albeit; I dream about it day and night. To dawn the colors representing my country is the ultimate honor an athlete can achieve, besides standing on the podium with a medal in hand. Nothing I have done to date compares to the thrill and anticipation of a race or a game. Facing off against another fierce competitor, it all comes down to who is better prepared for battle. Unfortunately I have a ways to go yet before I am recovered and can begin my full-time training. I live in a city that revolves around sport. My heart and my desires lie in my ability to perform.

Today, tomorrow, and everyday forthwith I will be competing with myself to learn self-control. When I should lay down the racquet, take of the skates, pass on a beer...

The day I master my self control is the day I become unstoppable. That is the same day I don't let my meager social life impede the reason I'm here on earth. The hardest thing in life is separating the things we think matter, and choosing to stay focused on our goals. Countless times I find myself getting lost in my own sorrow and feeling sorry for myself.

Stolen

This morning I was inspired by a fellow blogger extraordinaire. Some days I wake up feeing terribly lonely. Excluding the best friends in the world, and a supremely supportive family. Something is still missing in my life.

My new surroundings have been hospitable at times, yet extremely hostile at othe; however, my place in life is exactly how it should be, neither in the past nor the future. Wherever I am, is the place that I am meant to be. Everything happens for a reason, figuring out that purpose is the wonderful part about being alive.

Ask yourself a couple of questions.

1. What is you purpose today.

2. Who are your confidants

3. What will I be thankful for today.

Lastly....I need to go for some photo excursions because I'm so low on usable photos that I'm going to steal from Restart My Heart

Calling My Soul

Some days I awake with a feeling that I'm missing something. As if I have a hole in my toes and the very essence of my being is leaking out. The black sand leaking out shimmers with tiny diamonds catching the light dazzling my sight.

My heart is unfulfilled like a sugar craving gone wrong, or a poorly received hug. My over active, over analytical brain hums like a computer plowing through files searching for glitches. I'm fine, there is nothing wrong, but lots missing.

A calling is the sense that you are on this earth for a reason, that you have a destiny, no matter how great or small. A calling is a sensation or intuition that life wants something from you. I can give meaning to the smallest acts and helps create a strong identity. If you have a reason for being, you don't feel entirely aimless. You know who you are and what to do.

I have a calling, there is something missing in my life. I must always follow my passions, which are, writing, photos, children, and making a difference.

Tomorrow is a new day, if I can do three things every day towards reaching my goals, in one year I will have taken 1,095 steps towards my wildest dreams.

My Inspiration for this piece was Thomas Moore. I took this picture specifically to symbolize where or how I think my life will lead me.

Peter's Books

Today was book day. I traveled into a used bookstore which I have never been to before. As soon the door swings shut and the bell chimes, my nostrils are overpowered by that musty smokey smell that inhabits all used book stores. I feel like I have jumped into a time machine.

The owner of the store eyes me suspiciously, I know full well that he is only protecting his books. He kindly directs me towards the literature section which is full of authors I have never heard of before. I have become obsessed with literature and poetry lately in hopes of developing my writing.

As I wander aimlessly through stack after stack I find Joyce Carol Oates. Every review and jacket overview inspires me. I land on My Heart Laid Bare a story about deception and love. The shops proprietor curiously buzzes about putting books away and opens up conversation as to how he may assist me.

Poetry is the main reason for my visit to his emporium of knowledge. I now have a new friend (Peter) as well as a bag full of poetry (Coleridge, Eliot, Plath, and Updike). Peter talks about books with the love and passion of a voracious reader. He kept muttering under his breath about a lost book and how it has run away from him. I can't help but imagine how his store comes to life at night. Books running around with little legs and Peter chasing after them forever alphabetizing.

After having left, I am again of the mind that English literature is a degree of interest. I love how when I read a good book I can't put it down, hours of my weekly life are spent deeply immersed in novels. I would love to spend my life taking pictures and writing about glamour and love.

This is my journey,

Minute to minute, day to day,

The sun rises and the sun sets.

My Nemesis...

Today was a strange day. I bonded, I really need you to get this, I bonded with my nemesis. There is this lady I work with, and everything she does annoys me. It doesn't matter what she does there are just some people who you don't see eye to eye with.

Yesterday at work was particularly scorching and she was complaining to have a break and get some water. I could tell she was having a rough time but couldn't do anything about it and wasn't that worried about her. I went into another room for a couple of seconds to do a side task. Upon re-entering I find her balling her eyes out with two customers standing beside her flabbergasted. Between her tears and hiccups she splutters d-d-d-d-avid will you please watch the front for me?

Sometime later she approaches me in tears, sobbing, and thanking me for being there for her. All I could do was hug, and tell her everything was going to be alright. After some seemingly minor consoling she walked off a much happier camper.

In short it felt like a connection had been made with someone who I have never liked. This afternoon I was walking past her and she said, "I'll miss you when you are gone".

The feeling was foreign and incredible. Was that two foes becoming friends? With a little empathy and a little caring, I don't see why everyone can't get along.

Impending Maturity

Over the last couple of years my quest to find "myself", as well as become mature and avoid becoming my father, has taken me to different countries, seminars, friends. I've been looking for a catalyst in my life that would help me expediate that process. It comes in the shape of text books. Finally, I have been accepted to a full university and get to follow in the footsteps of each and every member of my family.

I wonder, how will I measure up in 4 years time? Will I want to pursue an MBA like my father? I doubt it. I want to design gardens and parks in North America that are so abundant in Europe and even South America. We lack the character and heritage that those older cultures have.

I'm terrified of taking this step to a new school. I think it is more a fear of the unknown, than apprehension of having to put myself out there and build a new life. I'm truly excited to have a new start. I get to create myself to be whoever I want. No one will have any preconceived ideas of who I am or who I am supposed to be. This is my chance to become the person of my dreams.

As for what do I want to study right now? I have no idea I think that the fact that I'm in school is enough. I will figure out what I want along the way. I would love to take literature, I love reading, love literature, and writing. If I have it my way I would be a glamour photographer/Writer/Landscape Architect. Thats quite the career eh?

It is such a shame that english literature is one of the most profound degrees out there yet you can use if for so little, It should be the other way around. Regardless, I'm in both a poetry, and young children's literature course. I can't wait!!

Here is to taking chances, making mistakes, and getting messy.

P.s. Mom/Dad I love you and this would never have been made possible if you were not in my life and the most supportive people I have ever met.

A parents love for their child is unfathomable.

(photo from restart my heart)

New Begginnings

As I sit here, in bed, wrapped up in my cuddly warm blankets. I'm watching felicity, my new (old) t.v. show. It is reminding me of friends and that I'm on the doorstep of a new journey. An adventure I am hesitant to embark on.

My body and soul are wrought with different emotions flowing like a river. Swelling at the banks are my insecurities waiting for the heavy rains to begin flooding the grassy slopes of my composure.

I'm young, perhaps very young, It all depends on your definition of young and how old you are. I seem to be on the brink of a very big transformation. The last 4 years have been tumultuous at best. Every day a new experience, every love an adventure. I seem to think about where I am and what my calling is continuously. What brings me to the drawing board is friends.

Where have they gone? I used to think I was a man of virtue who valued keeping only a small circle of really great friends. It seems while growing up and moving, I have been separated from the ones I love. Friendships have withered, some have broken, and others blend into the background. I miss having those weekly deep chats with a good girlfriend, or goofing off with a great guy friend. As you may have guessed, I usually get along with girls better than boys.

At this time I want to take special notice of a friend I cherish. Once upon a time, when I was down and out and seemingly forsaken by the world. A ravishingly beautiful acquaintance took a chance on a distressed delinquent. I guess you could say I owe her my life. She was and still is a stepping stone to who I have become today. J.F thank you for being there whenever I needed you. I fear we are miles apart in distance but close in heart.

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity spend an afternoon with her and my camera.